Who is RAW and CIA agent?

The number and audacity of terror attacks in Pakistan has increased significantly over the year. Despite Taliban claiming these attacks the most asked question in Pakistani media is - "Who is behind these terror attacks?". We sat down with the noted defense analyst from Pakistan Mr. Zaid Gul to talk about who is behind these terror attacks.

Abhi Tak: Welcome Mr Gul. Can you please tell us who is behind these terror attacks?
ZG: There is one thing you must understand that there are three kind of Zionists - Jewish Zionists, Hindu Zionists and Christian Zionists. They are trying to break Pakistan, the way they broke Yugoslavia. It is these RAW and CIA people who are behind these attacks. India and the USA are the biggest threat to Pakistan.

Abhi Tak: But Mr Zardari says that India is not a threat to Pakistan.
ZG: who do you think Asif Zardari is? He is a RAW and CIA agent.

Abhi Tak: Don't you think it could be home grown terrorists. After all there are a lot of terrorists in Pakistan. For example Osama bin Laden was also found in Pakistan.
ZG: This is all Zionist propaganda. Osama bin laden died 6 years ago. Even Benazir Bhutto said it in an interview with BBC.

Abhi Tak: But in the same interview Benazir Bhutto also said that Taliban was the biggest threat to Pakistan.
ZG: who do you think Benazir Bhutto is? She is a RAW and CIA agent.

Abhi Tak: There are reports that the PNS Mehran attack was planned by Ilyas Kashmiri.
ZG: It is quite possible. After all Ilyas Kashmiri is a RAW and CIA agent.

Abhi Tak: But Ilyas Kashmiri is the person who presented the head of an Indian soldier to General Musharraf and the General gave him the reward of 100K rupees.
ZG: who do you think Pervez Musharraf is? He is a RAW and CIA agent.

Abhi Tak: How can you say that Indian and American agents are causing all these suicide bombings in Pakistan when Taliban openly claims responsibility for these attacks?
ZG: who do you think Taliban are? They are RAW and CIA agents.

Abhi Tak: But if Taliban are Indian and American agents then why is there a high support for them inside Pakistan.
ZG: who do you think these Pakistanis are? They are RAW and CIA agents.

Abhi Tak: Last question Mr Gul - you are claiming everyone is Indian and American agent. Do you know anybody who is not?
ZG: Yes I am not an Indian or American agent.

Abhi Tak: Thanks for taking time to talk to us Mr Gul. It was indeed very informative. Before we depart we would like to tell you what Pakistan people think of you based on our survey.
ZG: What is that?

Abhi Tak: Sir they think you are a RAW and CIA agent.